From the Sore Loser and the Pervert to the Egoist and the Elitist, 411's Chris Lansdell counts down the worst gamer types in this week's Elimin8!

Hey yo. Welcome back to Elimin8 with me, Chris Lansdell. For those of you who are new to the column, we count down the 8 worst things for a given topic. It'll be a light-hearted, over-cynical look at some real stinkers and howlers in the world of gaming.

This week we bring you the companion column to last week's look at my 8 worst gaming habits. I'm not the only gamer with bad habits, but what are some of the worst? Join me as we ...

The Mathematician: What are the chances that The Countess on Hell difficulty will drop greater than a Mal? Does the faster rate-of-fire on a Desert Eagle mitigate the lower base damage than the Magnum? What's the optimum combination of skills for an archer? The mathematician not only knows those answers, wow power leveling  but can't understand why you don't care about the formula for deciding it. These are the guys who decompile game code not to hack it, but to learn damage formulae, experience rates, armor protection and so on. They spend hours tinkering with skill/perk/class ability combos to see which ones synergize best. They're the ones who can tell you why your warrior doesn't need more than 18 in strength but should max out his health. Perhaps it's because of the sheer number of hours I have put into the game and the forums for it, but I have never seen a bigger and more dedicated group of mathematicians than there are for Diablo II. There are websites that allow you to calculate everything from spell damage with extra points in synergies to weapon speed break points in frames per second. It would not surprise me in the least to learn that the makers of one particular site had spent as much time on making all the calculators as the developers did on making the game in the first place. It's not limited to D2 though, as I overheard a conversation just last night on Bad Company 2 about the relative merits of the different sniper rifles given their damage over time taking into account reloading speed and headshot accuracy. The guy was quoting numbers everywhere, and another player was debating the topic with him as if he too had done the calculations. It was mesmerizing.

Unlike most gamer genres, which are compensating for shortfalls, the mathematician is in all likelihood a scientist in real life. Nobody else could delve that deep into a game, work out all the variables and do all the calculations, even with computer help. They see a way that their real life can help them succeed in their virtual life and so they take it. Unfortunately, knowing all the ins and outs of a game does not confer skills upon the player. They are the statisticians of the gaming world, the ones who can tell you what Yao Ming shot from the floor when he was more than 15' away from the hoop on the left side in the second game of a back-to-back against Atlantic division opposition, but can't hit a layup. And if you think that's a stretch, I know a guy just like that.

The Chauvinist: Did you pass on Tomb Raider because Lara Croft wasn't in the kitchen making you a ham sammich? Did you refuse to play Bayonetta because she has guns and not a vacuum cleaner? Congratulations, you're a chauvinist. To you any female characters in a game should be wearing 7 square inches of clothing...between them. If she's not built to defy the laws of biology and bouncy enough to defy the laws of physics, you don't wanna know. And of course girl GAMERS all suck. No way could you ever lose to a GIRL, and if you start losing to one you either start hitting on her or rage-quit. Metroid is inferior to Castlevania because Samus is a chick. Your jaw almost bounced when she took off her helmet, and you don't know how you feel about that. Some of you are so bad that you have never completed a Mario or Zelda game because, well...why save the stupid woman who gets herself kidnapped? You won't play as Cammy, Chun Li, Taki or Sonya because they are weak. Sheeva makes you nervous. And when Aeris died...you laughed. Served the bitch right.

You poor deluded soul. You are missing out on so many quality games. Don't take your mommy issues out on the digital damsel! Maybe if you stopped hating on game-rendered gals you would actually be able to talk to a real one without wetting your boxer briefs and needing your inhaler.